It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
