Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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