Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
