the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
