You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
