I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My vagina is officially offended.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
