booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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