hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
