I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
