I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Even my vagina gasped.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
