He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
