This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
