Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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