I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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