I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
