I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
