In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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