I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
