Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
