the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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