Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
