I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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