420 ftw
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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