Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
