I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
