I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
