Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
