I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
