We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
