im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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