Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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