So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
