I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
