next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
