There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
