Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
