By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
