uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
