the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
