I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
