I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
