So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
