I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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