Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
