It's like God shit irony all over that family
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
