Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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