ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize