I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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