What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
