I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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