She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
