Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
