did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
