how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
