just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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