after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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