So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
