her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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