Say something about gay babies.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
