My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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