I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
