Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
