The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
