Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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