Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
