Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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