sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
