FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
