I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
