Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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