Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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