sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
