Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
