Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
