I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
