i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
