Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
