lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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