You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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