everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
