i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
