Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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