Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
