There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
