She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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