Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
